I can't sleep...

I suppose in a way I have been avoiding writing this blog entry, writing things down tends to make things real and lasting. The Redfish was my place of employment for almost five years. The people that I worked with and for have become my family, the restraunt my home away from home. Last week I was asked to return, I said yes. It allowed me the guarantee of a paycheck apon arrival and the love and support of familiar faces. I booked my ticket on Tuesday and on Thursday the Redfish burnt down. The restraunt burnt down......I don't know were to begin, I don't know what to say.....I watched a video on the Internet.....there is a shot of the back staircase burning....the spot were every morning Ken (my toothless, grumpy, wonderful day cook) and I would have our morning cigarette, the same spot were gossip was exchanged and Roxy would hang out while I would run around the corner to the thrift store, the kitchen guys would feed her bacon..it is the restaurant were I had my first art show and my first taste of clam chowder. Virtually every person I know in Nelson is somehow connected to it, it had an identity of it's own. As I sat in the woods a million miles away I was unable to call anyone, in loo of a phonebook I would call the Redfish to get phone numbers..someone was always there...not anymore. In this moment I feel very far away....I am thinking of all of you and sending love!